I am currently writing this post from my couch, at around 10 pm after a day at work. My legs ache from carrying product up and downstairs, but my head feels much lighter than it did 6 months ago. This is because I took the plunge and left a job that I didn't enjoy despite getting a much higher salary than the one I am in now. I was commended by my peers for making this decision, but I acknowledge that it could have been a colossal failure. Luckily it wasn't...or hasn't been as of yet. I'll admit, I'm no stranger to making a plethora of stupid mistakes in my life, but as I've gotten older I've realized that these mistakes might be just as helpful as they are aggravating.
Most of my mistakes have been mundane, and that's because of a general fear I have to really take any chances. I've never let myself get too close to the edge of a cliff because of the possibility of a drop. What if I fall too far? What if I can't find my way back up? Those concerns are necessary, but ultimately very limiting when it comes to finding yourself and what you want from life. For as long as I can remember, I thrived on this fear, on the ability I had to predict devastation extremely far in advance. I wasn't going to be once of those cold cases or sad stories other Greek mother's told their daughters in order to convince them to marry rich.
However, this fear has forced me to a fork in the road - one path leading to a cushy life doing something I don't like, but can grit my teeth and deal with; the other shrouded by long hanging branches and with an unpaved road that would cause a lot of irritation to tread along, but at the very end there is the promise of sunshine and a hot cup of coffee. I am stuck at this impasse and let me tell you, it's fucking terrifying. I am forced to face the fact that I'm going to have to do things that scary me now. All those uncomfortable adolescent growing pains I've been avoiding have finally caught up to me. My procrastination has left me in a late-term transition from an 18 year old who knows everything to a 25 year old who realized wisdom is a figment of our imagination.
Because I was so scared to take those risks, make those mistakes, anger certain people, or let myself be judged I'm now struggling to learn who I really am. These past few months that I've been looking for new jobs have been a perpetual first date with myself. What's my favourite colour? How would I describe myself in one word? If I could sleep with one celebrity, who would it be? The list of banal questions to ask myself is growing and I don't have all the answers.
So, for anyone who is in the same position as I am I will give you some advice that I should have given myself. Make mistakes. Do what you want. Start a blog, even if it might seem scary to share yourself online. Buy that expensive foundation you've been wanting for a while. Kiss a few frogs so that you really appreciate when you find your prince (or princess). It's easy to say you're doing everything you want now, but what about the stuff you'll want to have done in a few years time? That stuff is what will keep you biting your lip in nervous realization of necessary and inevitable change.
I hope you liked this post. Again, I'm trying to be more honest in my content and really connect with anyone who reads my story. I'd love to know what you think about this topic and if you have a similar experience.