Today was my first day back from an extra long weekend, seeing as I had to take the Tuesday after Victoria Day off for an appointment. It’s scary how easily I can fall into the habit of not working, especially with the job I’m in now. Coming back felt like flexing muscles that had easily atrophied—a forgotten tool from the past that had to now be dusted off and made re-usable. On days like today that are mostly used for catching up on unfinished work, I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I was doing with my life. I am now 24 and while that may not be old, it definitely isn’t young. I’m no longer at the age where I can blame my procrastination on parents or lazy teachers. It is all up to me now and I’m not making any moves.
Sometimes I think that it would have been easier if we were told what to be as adults when we were younger. Like the plot of The Giver, but without all that other crazy stuff that happens. How much easier would it have been if someone monitored me and told me that I can just forget about math and focus on reading and writing? Or opt out of all those lessons in Canadian history that are virtually erased from my memory now anyway.
“Don’t worry, in a few years there’ll be a tool that holds the knowledge about whatever topic you want to learn about.”
Google may be a better teacher than all those old, snarky women I encountered throughout school. No attitude, no getting angry with me for reading a different section in the textbook. Maybe when I was spending my freshman, sophomore, and junior years of high school just barely passing math I could have taken more time to hone my writing skills and really develop the style that I would use for years to come.
Unfortunately, there isn’t anyone there to tell you what to do until it is too late and finding a job is more important than following a dream and devoting everything to it. Sure, I could live the romanticized life of a starving writer, but then I wouldn’t have the money to move out, pay off my student loans, and possibly take an all-inclusive trip to Cuba in the near future. While I would rather spend my time thinking up fictional plots for short stories, I seem to be giving that up for acquiring skills in Microsoft excel and “project management”.
These are just a few thoughts that tend to plague my mind on boring days at work.