In a month I’ll be entering the dreaded quarter-life crisis stage of my existence. I already know there’ll be a crisis because it seems like every year of my life so far has brought on something new and equally scary that has made me regret getting older. And seeing that I, like many other ‘millennials’, have anxiety about finding a job that amalgamates both what I ultimately love doing with a decent salary to pay the overpriced rent of city apartments, embarking on another year of not doing what I love for money is going to be tough.
I often ask myself if I’ve sold out for much less than what musicians and actors are accused of. Am I part of the flawed system? Do I work for the man? All these thoughts pulsate through my head like the feeling after I’ve accidentally bitten my tongue—something I do often in a job where speaking your mind isn’t always appreciated. It was easy to say in the beginning that this would only be a position that would pay the bills, give me a kick start into my adult life, but as the months pass sluggishly I’ve begun to understand how so many of my colleagues have stayed in their positions for years. Time passes by with every bored yawn and passive-aggressive email. I've even found myself thinking that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I stayed at this job forever, and that’s scary. Not because the job itself is horrible, but because that would mean I’m succumbing to the social pressures of finding a steady career in a big company and leaving all dreams and ambitions behind.
There are so many passions I feel I haven’t attempted yet, even just to find out that I’m awful at them that I don’t want to give in to the easy route currently in front of me. If I can imagine being happier, then I probably can and there’s only one way to know for sure—giving it a try. Even though I'm jotting down this blog post under my covers in a hoodie recovering from a cold, the goals I’ve decided on below are well thought out and what I will be working toward in the near future.
1) Do more writing that I feel good about and not what I think people want to read
2) Speak out when I feel uncomfortable
3) Don’t settle for something easy
4) Try to break out of my social anxiety and self-esteem issues
5) Don’t buy things as a way to feel like my life is changing; actually change it
6) Read more (always a goal)
7) Understand that I am now part of the adult world and no one is superior to me because of their age
8) Realize that everything is not always about me
9) Don’t be ashamed to want my own space and to be alone from time to time
10) Look to the positive even though the negative is like an annoying neighbour that always pops out from behind shrubbery
How have you been feeling about getting older?